JohnstonBlog

We're All Going on a Summer Holiday

2009-09-02T14:22:00.002+01:00

Under doctors orders (Dr Davies that is) - we're going on holiday - tomorrow!
- although the NHS isn't paying - unfortunately!
We're going to Gaucin in Andalucia. (That's in Southern Spain before anybody asks!)
Gaucin is one of the Pueblos Blancos (white villages) that sit high in the mountains about 20 miles up from the coast.
We found what looks to be a nice play to stay - Molino del Carmen - a converted olive mill right in the heart of the village. We're staying in the Smugglers' Suite.
I'm really looking forward to it but to be honest, I've really enjoyed planning it all and I think I'll miss that once it's all over and done with. All of those months of sitting around in the house, surfing the internet, bidding for stuff on eBay or playing Sporcle is nowhere near as good as booking flights, hiring cars and finding places to go once we're there.
Apparently, it's even possible to go to Tangiers for the day - how cool (or hot) would that be?

So the car park at the airport is booked, the flights are booked (Ryanair - Edinburgh to Malaga), the money's been exchanged, the car is hired (Hertz - Volkswagen Polo or similar), the accomodation is booked (see above) and all systems are good to go!
Take off at 12:55 tomorrow.
YIPPEE! ! ! !
OR . . . as they say in Spain . . .
JIPPEE ! ! ! !

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Plus Ca Change . . . .

2009-08-29T14:06:00.000+01:00

And we're off!
And we lost! (PL, that is.)
14-17 to Newton Stewart.
Did anybody think it was going to be easy playing in this division?
However - it wasn't all bad - in fact, for me, it was all quite good.

It was a bit strange being back behind my microphone and to be honest, just a bit emotional.
Apart from a couple of training matches, I think it was the 6th December since I've made any announcements - that's 38 weeks! And it's passed as quickly as Usain Bolt with his pants on fire.
Thanks to Fraser and others who stepped in for me while I was 'away'.

Sitting in the stand after being away for so long, I found myself thinking about too many daft things and what might have been - but all my rugby pals were there and it was great to see them all.
It's really good to be back - and another milestone is chalked off.

A Bolt of Lightning

2009-08-23T13:50:00.007+01:00

Well the great Summer of British sport is over and the highlights for me have been Usain Bolt breaking the world records to win both 100m and 200m at the World Championships and England winning the Ashes.
Who says Test cricket is boring?
The lowlight was of course, The Lions losing the Test series in South Africa but all this means is that it's time to move into Winter sports mode and the rproper rugby season starts next week.
Following relegation last season, PL will start their National League Division 2 campaign at home to Newton Stewart.

Good Guys and Bad Guys?

2009-08-20T23:01:00.001+01:00

A couple of Cancer patients have been in the news.
I have something in common with one of them and absolutely nothing in common with the other (except for the obvious).
The first is BBC TV racing and sports presenter Clare Balding
- she has just been given those magic words - 'All Clear' - after receiving successful treatment for thyroid cancer. That's great news because I really like her and hope she stays clear like me. (26 days now since I heard my Doc say 'All Clear'). Stay lucky, Clare.

The other patient is the Lockerbie Bomber - Abdelbaset Ali Al Megrahi. He's been released on compassionate grounds by Scottish Justice Secretary, Kenny MacAskill because he has terminal prostate cancer and only has three months to live.
This has sparked great debate on whether or not he should be released at all and if any behind the scenes deals were done to aid trade and industry between Britain and Libya in the future. He dropped his on-going appeal against his conviction, seemingly to expedite the process that would see him re-patriated under the prisoner transfer agreement between the two countries.
That means that we'll probably never know if he actually planted the bomb on Pan-Am 103 or not. There seems to be plenty of doubt in the minds of many people - except if they're American. President Obama and Hilary Clinton are no' happy. I think they're going to stop speaking to us Scots.
Ach weel - we'll just have to get some new pals.
A correspondent to The Times summed it up brilliantly
- "Our showing compassion has nothing whatever to do with what he is. It is to do with what we are."
John Graham-Hart, Aug 09.

I wish there had been less celebrations and no Saltires when he got off his plane though.

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Of Mice and Men and Machinery

2009-08-16T22:38:00.003+01:00

The East Lothian countryside is changing once again.

On the rare occasions when the sun's out, the golden colour of the crops is so bright that it hurts your eyes.

This is the signal for the farmers to get their skates on and their combine harvesters out to get the harvest in before any more rain comes along to spoil it. All of the rain we've had means that their costs also go up because they have to dry the grain before storing it, otherwise it will rot and will be worthless.

It's not just oilseed rape, wheat and barley that's getting harvested though - this picture was taken near Morham, just south of Haddington and it's grass that's being cut here. Presumably it'll be used for silage to feed the animals throughout the winter.

As the grass crops get cut, it's also a great time to spot wildlife. There's plenty of hares, buzzards and especially kestrels hovering high above the verges looking for unwary mice and voles.

Also, I don't think I've ever seen so many weasels running about on the roads than I have this summer - they always look very busy and give the impression that they're up to some mischief or other.

If you don't know how to tell them apart from stoats, well . . . . it's easy.

- They're weasily recognised and stoats are stoatally different!

Razzle Dazzle and All that Jazz

2009-08-13T22:13:00.005+01:00

Tonight we did something jazzy.
After eating at No.12 Quality Street, we went to see the Scottish Jazz Allstars at North Berwick.
This is part of the Fringe by the Sea series of concerts and events that now take place annually as a sort of satellite part of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
For the first time though, the famous Spiegeltent had made the trip down the coast and was erected by the harbour, near the Seabird Centre and this was where the concert took place. It was a packed house and a fantastic venue for this type of thing, although the organisation of the bar could maybe have been a bitty better.
Joining the Allstars for the gig was the legendary Scottish folk and blues singer, Tam White.
The whole event was brilliant and I hope the Spiegeltent is brought back next year.

I think it's quite a feather in North Berwick's cap to host events such as this and they need to blow their own trumpet (and trombone!) a bit more to ensure that the event goes from strength to strength.

Boots, Bats and Odd Shaped Balls

2009-08-10T10:24:00.000+01:00

The rugby season has started again.
Well . . the pre-season to be exact. PL had their first friendly game on Saturday - against Lismore.
They're a division or two below us so it would be a nice'n'easy warm up - right?
WRONG!
We managed to hold on for a draw. It looked like we were just a wee bit rusty. I'm sure things will be fine once the season starts for real. (My fingers are crossed behind my back).

And just as the rugby season starts, I'm playing cricket!
And just as I'm about to play cricket . . . . the heavens open to show that the first week in August is not the time to play Summer sports.
The cricket match was part of an Atos Origin Family Fun day. We did eventually play and it was good so maybe next year we'll play again - in June!

Old Faces - Good Pals

2009-08-07T09:42:00.004+01:00

It's been a week of reunions.

On Tuesday, I went back to The Vu for lunch - this time with Les.

I haven't seen him for ages so it was good to catch up with all his news about his back to the future life as a student. I hope it goes well for him and Elaine who has had more than her own fair share of troubles recently. All the best to the Fultons.

On Thursday, it was a GRAND reunion of all of the old folk that I used to work with. Fordie organised it and we went to LEERIE's of all places.

What a great night was had by all and it was especially good that Graham Dumble was able to come along for a wee while. I first met Graham in 1978 when I started working and in those early years we went through a few scrapes and japes together. A whole load of water has flowed under a whole load of bridges since those days.

Another huge surprise was in store when Allan Welch turned up! He now lives in Spain and while he didn't exactly fly in just to come to my night out, it was great to see him.

So as we settled in for the night, it was as if we had never been away. Morton was sitting by the window, Graham and Liz (both have hair much shorter now than 30 years ago), Denis and Linda, Soapy, Fordie, John, Smiggy, Clarkie and Liesl - all recycling the same old stories that we've told for years.

Plus ca change . . . . . . nights like this show exactly why it was worth getting better!

Thanks to everybody who managed to come along.

Fish Suppers, Poems & Philosophy

2009-07-26T13:05:00.003+01:00

It's been a quietish weekend by our standards.
As Liesl, Mum N and me all had pretty rubbish birthdays in January and February, Mum C had offered to take us out for a meal to belatedly celebrate them and the good news from earlier this week.
So we took her up on this offer and threw in a run in the car as well.
There was a 'window in the weather' so at about 4pm on Saturday, we set off for Eyemouth. As usual though, we took a fairly tortuous route via Carfraemill, Coldstream, across the border to Etal before heading north to Eyemouth via Chirnside.
Etal was good - Tillside CC were playing cricket and the pitch there has a perfect setting.
And the meal out?
- A sit in fish tea at Giacopazzi's. Easily the best chippy on the south Forth coast.
We more or less came straight home after that with the exception of a slight detour to St. Abbs and then Pease Bay.
Everybody had a great time - another success.

I'm assuming the good news from Tuesday has sunk in by now but strangely there's still no feeling of real elation. Maybe it's for the best.
As Kipling once said:
"If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same . . . .
. . . . Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it".

Then he went off to make some exceedingly good cakes.
Talented man, Mr Kipling.

Rain, Rain go to Spain

2009-07-23T21:36:00.004+01:00

What bright spark called the Cabbage White Butterfly the Cabbage White Butterfly?
Why didn't they call them the Japanese Knotweed Butterfly?
Or the Jaggy Nettle Butterfly?
Or the Dock Leaf Butterfly?
That way, instead of ravaging my cabbages, they might go and eat some of the weeds in the garden.
Everything else in the garden in rosy though.
Except for the roses. They've been battered by the daily monsoons.
Why isn't Global Warming called Global Soaking?
Next year, I think I'll try growing rice.

Time to book a holiday, I think.

The Day After the Day Before - 2

2009-07-22T21:12:00.000+01:00

I'm still numb and I'm still stunned. And I still can't quite believe it.

I feel great though.

Looking back and remembering the cough, the weight loss, the CT scan, the bad news, the blood tests and transfusions, the inhalation treatment, the chemo, the burning face, the canulas, getting home but having to go back in and worst of all - the fear . . . . it all seems so far away.

I also have to remember the good bits - old pals geitting in touch, the support from family and friends, the good people you meet, the good people who treat you, the gifts and cards, the good news and getting to be Jan's 'Website of the Day'!

It's very surreal but it's real.

We did it!

Well done us.

The immediate plan is to go back to clinic in two months - just to see the Doc to let him check me over and get the usual blood tests. Then, in about six months, I'll get another CT scan.

I expect that'll involve more nervous waiting and stuff but for now, let's start living.

An Amazing Day

2009-07-21T21:15:00.004+01:00

The waiting area at WGH is very quiet. It's lunchtime and it seems to be the time between the morning and afternoon clinics - we're early and the girls on reception are still on their lunch. So we wait. We're good at waiting. Well, practice makes perfect.
Eventually, I get weighed - 83.9kg - exactly the same as the last time that I was there. Okay - I know it's too heavy but it's better than the 68.9kg it was a few months ago!
Then it's the obligatory blood sample, then through to the final waiting area. And we wait.
Not for very long though - Dr Davies calls us in even before I'm half way through the crossword.
Will he have a "good news & bad news" technique?
Nope - there's no need.
He calmly says - "There's good news. Your PET scan was clear".

How are you supposed to react to that?
There are probably no rules but for what it's worth, I shook, tried hard and in vain to hold back tears, looked at the Doc in disbelief, looked at Liesl to check that I'd heard right and wondered how this could be?
My PET scan was clear.
Six months to the day after a doctor had stood at the end of my bed and told me that I had cancer, another doctor is sitting across a desk from me and is telling me that I no longer have cancer. Each piece of news is equally hard to believe. Each piece of news is equally frank. Today's piece of news is something else though. It's amazing. It's truly amazing.
It's hard to speak and find the words to say thanks and to ask Dr Davies to pass on my thanks to Dr Farquharson when he sees her.
Dr Farquharson, you're the best.

So we leave - thinking about clicking our heels but realising we're too tired and drained for that.
There's a call to make before we leave the hospital though. To Shelagh. She was first to be called with the bad news in January so it's only right that she's first to be called with the good news today. And she's as pleased as we are - it's great to see her running along the corridor from her office and that's when I realise what it's going to mean to everybody. It's amazing. Have I said that?

Most, or probably all, families get hit with cancer at sometime or another but I think ours has been hit harder than most over the years. When it's an older person then I suppose you've got to take it on the chin but we've lost too many that were around the same age as me or even much younger. So for Chrissie, Pauline, Nan, Charlie, Nessie, Moira and many others who were all part of Team Craig, I hope, for the moment at least, that I've got one back.

The calls and messages go out. To Mum Naismyth, Shona, Eleanor & Andrew, Moira & Jack, Greg, Karlynn & Iain - and the reactions are just the same. It's brilliant news.
No call or message to Mum though - we'll go in to tell her.
And she's overwhelmed when we get there. It's been a crap week for her so far but this has lifted the gloom just a bit. It's amazing.

Tonight, we went to the Golf Inn for a celebratory meal - Liesl had liver. How ironic is that?
I have to admit that I feel a bit flat. I don't know why because I know that I should be looping the loop and I'm sure I will tomorrow. Today's been a day to remember. In fact, it's been six months to remember.
The jokes will return tomorrow but for now my PET scan was clear.
The non-hodgkin's lymphoma has gone.

And it's amazing.

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It's in the Post

2009-07-20T20:40:00.003+01:00

If truth be told, I was hoping that Dr Davies would have called me with the scan result sometime on Friday but realistically I thought it would have been today. However, it's a well known fact that like watched kettles that never boil, watched mobile phones never ring.
So I admit that I was more than a bit surprised when there was a letter waiting for me when I got home tonight (been at a rugby committee meeting) asking me to come to a clinic at 13:30 tomorrow. This would normally be ok news but there's no doubt that I feared the worst. My thinking was that as he had said he would phone me, I was guessing that's what he would have done if he had good news for me. As he wanted to see me face to face, well . . . . . .
Maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe my glass is half empty!

One more night of waiting but I don't feel like going to work tomorrow - maybe I'll work from home for two hours.

Breaker Breaker One Nine - Do You Copy?

2009-07-16T11:56:00.001+01:00

Here we go then. I’m petless as I pitch up for the PET scan, so it’ll have to be me. As suspected, it’s a mobile scanner housed in the back of a lorry parked in one of the back car parks at WGH. The reception area (in the building) is not exactly salubrious either and I have to interrupt the guy as he eats into his micro-waved curry. Maybe he passes it through the scanner to heat it up? If I were him, I’d be making sure that I had a good look at the pictures to see what was in it. It looked to me as if it had more than lymphoma!
After the customary questions, it was into the truck. The two men in control were more technicians than nurses. In fact, one of them was more like a trucker than a technician.
It’s a strange place. A wee area at the front where the computer screens are, two beds up the left hand side (a sort of ‘drawer’ pulls out from the side of the lorry to give the extra room) and the scanning loops are down the middle.
As Trucker 1 (Rubber Duck) showed me in, he suddenly realised that Trucker 2 (Pig Pen) was depositing a spent nuclear fuel rod into a lead lined bucket and I had to hurry past to the safety of the I.T. section. Once the Geiger count had subsided I went back to get a needle in my arm before being shown to the bedrooms. Rubber Duck explained that when he came back he would work very fast to minimise his exposure to the ‘stuff’, and sure enough, he soon returned with a wee metal box from which he took an impressive looking steel syringe and scooted the sugary, syrupy isotope into my arm.
It was all very James Bondesque:
“Do you expect me to talk, Rubber Duck?”
“No, Mr Craig, I expect you to glow in the dark – hee hee hee!”
Then he was off – I’ve to lie down for an hour. No eating, chewing or talking on the phone. Just as well because I’ve no food or gum and my phone’s in the car.
10-4 good buddy!
True to his word, he was back in an hour. Time to go through the hoop(s).
It’s just like the CT scanner except that there’s two loops and this time my arms were held in place by my side so that I couldn’t move. You don’t have to hold your breath – that would be a bit impractical because it’s going to take half an hour. And off I go, back and forth a couple of times at first like a mechanic on one of those bogey things they use to get under cars. I expect this was just to get the aim and focus right and then it came to a standstill for four or five minutes before moving me up another two inches or so. This stop start pattern continued for the full half hour and all you have to do is keep concentrating to make sure you don’t move.
It was Pig Pen who came in to apologise for the fact that it was such a long scan (?) and that was it. I was shown out of the back door, tripped on the stairs and became something that fell off the back of a lorry.
I head for the interstate A1 towards Shaky Town – keeping an eye out for Fuzzboxes, knowing that another long, nervous wait over the weekend lies in store.

Stay tuned good Buddies. I’ll keep you posted.
Ten-Four and Out.

Producing the Goods

2009-07-14T20:59:00.005+01:00

Today started off with the first strawberry of the Summer (well, half a strawberry each, to be precise) and it was delicious!
The rain's been falling in near Biblical proportions over the last few days and it's helped rest of the garden no end. The experimental wild flower patch in the problem shady bit at the back of the house has filled up nicely and a few flowers are starting to open.
When we got home, we burst open the first pea-pod of the season. It made a satisfyingly loud 'pop' as Liesl cracked it open and the peas were as juicy as anything.
Any Blog readers thinking of coming round and robbing the rest had better think again. The razor wire and attack dogs are in situ to ward off any marauders!
We had a Tesco £9.00 tea tonight - Gruyere and pancetta tart with salad. The salad was boosted by our own mixed green (and peppery) leaves from the salad bowl on the porch. If we had remembered sooner, we could have dressed the salad with our home made raspberry and basil vinegar. And later tonight, we'll maybe have a home made sloe gin from the 2007 vintage!

Very soon, once the beans, tomatoes and tatties are ready, we'll be able to open a produce stall on the Green.

Signed
Tom & Barbara.

ps - A nice lady from the PET scanning unit phoned this afternoon and I'm booked in for 16:00 on Thursday. Apparently, I get injected with the radioactive isotope, then I have to lie down for an hour to let the stuff circulate and then it's into the scanner. A two loop system this time and it takes about half an hour. I'll keep you posted.

Blue and Buzzin'

2009-07-12T22:18:00.005+01:00

The East Lothian countryside is changing again. The bright, harsh yellows of the oil-seed rape and daffodils in Spring are being replaced by ripening crops turning golden and these are occasionally interspersed with patches of scarlet as poppies push through to make a dramatic impact.
After flowering, the rape is actually quite a scruffy crop and remains so until it is harvested once the tiny seeds are ready.
Replacing it in the spectacularity stakes has got to be the fields of blue linseed that are becoming more common and look great from a high viewpoint. They also provide a great source of pollen for thousands of bees and there's quite a buzz if you're near one of the fields.
We've also noticed that some farmers seem to be planting the margins of other crops with linseed - presumably to encourage the bees and other wildlife.
These pictures were taken just north of East Linton and give a wee taste of what it's like.
I like it - it's kinda cool!

Another Maiden is Bowled Over

2009-07-11T22:09:00.001+01:00

No news has come n the post about my PET scan, so as predicted, another waiting game has begun.

It was Davy and Linsey's wedding today. They got a braw day for it and the evening reception at the Royal Musselburgh was excellent. The bus home was a bit of a laugh, except for the bit where the driver under cooked a bend and we nearly ended up on the beach!
I went to see Preston Village Cricket Club today - and they won for the first time this season!
Well done to the Villagers.

The Annual Grand Day Oot!

2009-07-10T21:24:00.002+01:00

It's Mum's birthday today - happy birthday Mum -
and as usual, we're off on the Grand Day Oot.
This year the magical mystery tour is headed for Loch Katrine and a cruise on the steamer 'Sir Walter Scott'. The SWS is no longer coal fired - it runs on recycled chip fat!

First stop though is Bridge of Allan for a nice breakfast at a pavement cafe - it was really hot (the weather, not the breakfast, although that was good too!). A few shops later and we're already behind schedule so we have to abandon a stop at Aberfoyle and go right on up the A821, The Duke's Pass. It was just as well we got there early because the efficiency of the ticket office leaves a bit to be desired and despite having booked and paid for our tickets online AND printed the vouchers off, we still had to wait for 20 minutes to get them transferred to a receipt. That meant that we were among the last to board and there were no seats left but as the cruise only lasts an hour, it wasn't too bad and you get a much better view from the rail.

I had hoped to see some wildlife like eagles and ospreys but there was absolutely nothing to be seen. The views were good though - especially the four peaks of the Arrochar Alps at the west end.

After the cruise, we had lunch by the pier and from there, we drove north to Killin and then along the north side of Loch Tay to Kenmore where we squeezed in a final shop at the Court Yard before closing time.

Onwards to Aberfeldy before finally turning south and homewards via Crieff and Auchterader where we had our tea in a braw wee Italian Cantina.

Thirteen hours after leaving Port Seton, we were home again - now that WAS a Grand Day Oot!

Grumpy Old Men

2009-07-09T21:13:00.000+01:00

Met up for lunch with old mate Phil today - we went to The Vu which is in the hills above Bathgate. It was Phil's idea - I had never heard of the place, despite the fact that it's only about four and half miles from my work and it was really good.
It's years since I last saw Phil, so it was a good catch up. I suspect we're more like Jack and Victor nowadays but in the olden days of the hockey club we like to think that we were more Ronaldo and Rooney!

Big Steps and Wee Steps

2009-07-07T20:35:00.007+01:00

Finding Out Day has arrived at last and not a moment too soon. However, as you will see, it didn't turn out exactly as everyone had hoped.

It started out ok with a trip up to Haddington early this morning. I always think that Haddington is at its best at this time of day, with everybody going about their daily business. It's a bit like Trumpton.

In the afternoon though, we're off to the clinic and this time, for the first time, we get to meet Dr Davies.
And the news from the CT scan is . . . . . . . . . . inconclusive!
This time there is some good news and some as yet undetermined news.
The fact that my general health and well being is good, is good news.
My kidney and everywhere else is (still) clear from lymphoma, so that is also great news.
However, my liver, which was always the worst affected area, still has a 'mark' on it. Dr. Davies explained that this might still might be an area of lymphoma that hasn't gone away BUT he also thought that it could be some scarring caused by the chemo treatment. Both are real possibilities and he just doesn't know. He knows that we would have wanted to hear him say 'all clear' but he can't do this until he's sure.
So, no need to panic but to find out for sure, I've got to have a PET scan. (I'll need to get a pet first!!*)

A PET Scan means drinking some radioactive isotope which apparently sticks to any lymphoma which then shows up on the scan. So, if the scan's clear, I'm clear.
I read in the paper today that Russia and America have agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenal. I hope Gordon Brown doesn't join in - I may be surplus to requirements!

Dr Davies promised that the scan would be within two weeks and that he'd phone me as soon as possible afterwards with the result.
(He also explained that a further liver biopsy may also be required.)

OK - it's disappointing but it isn't the end of the world and it certainly isn't the worst news I've had this year, so it's just a case of staying positive and patient for another two weeks or so.

On the way home, we look in at Archerfield, where Gary Player is having a pro-celebrity golf two day tournament. We saw Dennis Taylor, the snooker player and commentator and Martin Bayfield - best known to me as a 6' 10" England rugby player and Radio 5 Live commentator but probably more famous to younger viewers as Robbie 'Hagrid' Coltraine's body and stunt double in the Harry Potter films.

To cheer ourselves up a bit, we went to the Castle Inn for our tea. Things are looking better already!

* - Acknowledgement - Chic Murray - c1972. Thanks, Chic.

ps - my website of the day is Optical Illusions. For no other reason other than I think they're good.

Sea World Adventures

2009-07-06T10:59:00.005+01:00

It's been a long wait so far but a good weekend helped to pass the time.

Preston Lodge had a Club day on Saturday which meant training at 10am (for me, 'training' means 'watching'!), then a clear-out of the storage area under the Pennypit stand, then down to The Thorntree to watch the third and final SA v Lions Test on the telly.

The training looked good from where I was standing but the highlight for me was a pod of about 8 dolphins that swam past just about 50 yards offshore. They were jumping and tail standing and everything. Dolphins in the 'Pans - amazing! The world's gone mad.

The clearout of the stand was also a great job well done, so well done to Euan and his band of merry men who helped out.

To top it all off, The Lions won - 9-28! A good performance and a deserved consolation victory.

All in all, the day was a complete success.

We went out for tea - we tried to get into The Rocks at Dunbar. It looks really nice but unfortunately there wasn't a table available until 9pm - a wee bit too late. So we went to The Bayswell Hotel instead. Unfortunately, their bookings were running late too so we got sent upstairs to a dining room, rather than in the nice conservatory. The view was as good as the food though. Lobster for me and grilled sea bass for Liesl.

Sunday morning - down to North Berwick for the rolls and papers but as it was a braw morning, we got a coffee and croissant and sat in one of the seafront car parks.

It's quite busy with people unloading boats and kayaks and filling them with loads of water and provisions. They're going to paddle around the Bass Rock and it'll take them about four hours.

Good luck to them - sounds quite good!

Hope they look out for the dolphins.

Roll on tomorrow - Finding Out Day.

Testing Times

2009-06-30T20:11:00.005+01:00

The Lions lost the second Test in South Africa on Saturday. Disaster!

It looked like they were going to get a draw which would be the least they deserved until Ronan O'Numptie had a rush of blood to the heid and gave away a daft penalty after the hooter had sounded. Morne Steyn bashed it over from about half way and the series is lost.

Today was the day of my final CT scan. The one that will reveal all or hopefully nothing.

I seem to be getting better at drinking the contrast stuff and find that I'm way ahead of schedule - it was nearly finished with still half an hour to go. I had to slow down a bit.

The trouble is, that when you add this litre and a half of liquid to the litre of water you have to drink on the way in . . . . it doen't half make you burst! That's the point though. For some reason, your bladder has to be full.

The gowning ceremony was a good bit better today. The Chief Nurse of the Gown Chamber left me two, with strict instructions as to how they were to be applied. The first, as usual, goes on backsides foremost and the other goes on top, 'housecoat' style (according to the CNotGC). This is much better with zero chance of a wardrobe malfunction.

Anyway, everything goes according to plan and now it's just a case of waiting until next Tuesday for the result.

That seems a long way away and I'm counting the days already.

It's Showtime! Not Just a Load of Bullocks!

2009-06-26T22:57:00.000+01:00

Back in the dark days, when I had too much time to think dark thoughts, there were certain things or events that I thought I would miss due to illness, treatment or worse. One of the major events on our annual calendar is the Royal Highland Show. It's always the first day off that we schedule each year and I reckon that this could be my 35th show.

And it's today! And we're going! For the full day, as normal, 8.30am until 8.30pm. I should never have doubted it.

This is a real milestone, one that I had definitely written off for this year and it's a bit tough to keep emotions in check as we go through the gate. We're here and it's going to be great.

Now - Iain Munn can't see the attraction of the Show and thinks it's just cows and tractors and for some unknown reason, American style cattle auctions (!?!?).

So, if you're like him, let me enlighten you.

There's a huge Food Hall with lots of sampling and products to buy.

There's a shopping mall with . . . . well, everything from clothes and jewellery to furniture and carpets.

There's an outdoor leisure area - shootin' and fishin' or eatin' and drinkin'. (Try the freshly smoked Arbroath Smokies.)

There's a Forestry and Eco area - birdlife, wildlife and conservation. See the loggers climb the 90m poles or carve a golden eagle from a tree stump with a chainsaw.

There's a garden design and equipment area. Buy a shed or a patio or anything to put in either.

There's two big craft tents - full of very high quality and sometimes very high priced handmade items from wrought iron and fused glass tables to paintings and jewellery and clothes and hats and handbags and shoes and toys and . . . . the list is too extensive to mention.

There's cars and bees and goats and chickens and sheep and fruit and milk and supermarkets and horses and pipes and drums and sniffer dog displays and ferret racing and falconry and a 4x4 course.

Oh aye - and there's cows and tractors too!

And did I mention that the Queen and Princess Anne were there today too?

It's been really busy - more than 45000 people were in today and I learn later that one of the three big banks dispensed more than £1m out of its cash machine.

That can't all be going on cows and sheep can it?

It really was great to be back. We didn't stay until 8.30pm - the weather closed in so we left at 7pm. Early for us but long enough today.

Roll on next year - and make sure you don't miss it.

We'll be there on the Friday.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho . . . . .

2009-06-25T22:50:00.003+01:00

Being back at work hasn't been so bad.
I haven't really done anything constructive - just tidied up my email inbox and it's taken three days to get past all of the new security on my laptop. Also, I've only been in for about four hours on each of the three days so I've had a fairly gentle start. I got told I've to make an important presentation to the NHSS customer top men in a couple of weeks though. So that'll be easy!
It's been good to see everybody and everybody seems very pleased to see how well I'm looking.

Open and Shut Case

2009-06-22T22:17:00.005+01:00

One of the benefits of having been off at this time has been that I've been able to watch the midweek afternoon games that the Lions have been playing. It's been quite good, if not spectacular rugby. On Saturday, they lost the 1st Test by 26-21. A good comeback after getting dumped on in the first half.

It's the Monday morning blues again. This time for real.
As well as the prospect of going back to work tomorrow, we're getting new windows today which means that I can't go swimming. I've been swimming just about every morning last week - it was my new routine in an effort to try to get a bit fitter and I really enjoyed it. I went to four different pools in four days and in my view, Dunbar is the best. Not least because of the hourly wave machine!
Today though, the window man cometh. It's not entirely new windows - just the bottom sashes in the three living room windows. The old ones were rotten - very rotten - and wouldn't open.
The fitter was done by lunchtime and at last, after about seventeen years, we've got windows that work. Cool. Literally.

While the window guy is busy, I get my schoolbag ready for tomorrow.
Not so cool.

Food, Glorious Food

2009-06-19T21:59:00.003+01:00

As it's the last free day of my last full week, I take Mum out to lunch.

We go to Merryhatton Garden Centre first, because there's still a few pots to be planted up, but then go to the cafe at Fenton Barns to eat. It's quite good there although a party of eight lady golfers got in just before us so service was a bit slow. The folk that run the place are 'foodies' so things are just a wee bit different. My advice is . . .give it a try.

Digging for Victory

2009-06-16T21:39:00.002+01:00

I've been thinking about going back to work. No, really!!
I've really been spinning it out for too long and although Dr.Shand and Dr. Shepherd both said that I should remember how ill I had been while in hospital and that I was entitled to some 'me' time, I feel that I'm ready to go back. So I've decided - it'll be next Tuesday, the 23rd, five months after diagnosis. That's plenty long enough. I must admit, it's tempting to stay off for longer but I've got to get back into some sort of routine. It's a pity the final CT scan and result won't be done by then but the scan's not been scheduled until 30 June so that's too far away. If the scan shows that I need more chemo then we'll deal with that issue at the time.
My manager, Johnny and Lisa from HR are very supportive and I'll be going back on a phased return.
10-4 for only three days in the first week.

So . . . . better get the garden sorted!
The veg patch is looking quite good and is stocked with carrots, cabbage, onions, beetroot, peas, beans, pak-choi, turnip and radish. Oh aye - and there's tatties in the sacks. It's just like The Good Life!
My time on the skive han't been entirely wasted.

.

Still on the Right Lines

2009-06-09T22:20:00.005+01:00

A week on from the last clinic and here we go again - back to WGH but this time it's to see Dr. Shand in the GI clinic.
Same routine though - everything's looking good and my weight's pretty much back to normal and the chemo seems to be keeping my UC in check, for the moment at least. The plan for that is still to be decided because he explains that it's possible that the chemo may make some longer term physiological changes and that the UC may be better in the future. We'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, some new tablets are to be prescribed - DEFINITELY no more azathioprine!!
Once again we chat about what might have been if I had come off them earlier but hindsight's a wonderful thing so there's no point in looking back - just forward to being better.
I'm even spared a blood test today!

With all of that good news and good will, we decide to spend the afternoon in Edinburgh. It's in the paper today that the first of the new tram tracks has been laid. This must be good news for the citizens of Edinburgh because the whole place is a mess at the moment. Roll on 2011 when it's supposed to be finished (if there are no more delays and nobody goes bankrupt) and then maybe you'll be able to turn a corner without the road being closed. The wee woman who speaks on our new Sat-Nav has a sore throat because she always has to tell us about one problem or another!

Dr Davies, I Presume - Wrong!

2009-06-02T19:27:00.002+01:00

Today;s the day to go to what will be a regular haematology clinic and to meet Dr. Davies for the first time. He's been on a six month sabbatical to Australia which is why Dr. Farquharson was looking after me.
However, when my name gets called it's a lady's voice and even though I've never met him, I was pretty sure Dr. Davies was a bloke. Sure enough, this was Dr. Shepherd but there's no need to worry - she knows all about me. I seem to be quite famous in the cancer departments of WGH!
There's not much information for her to pass on to me though because I haven't had any scans or anything since chemo stopped. She checks me all over and asks the usual questions but everything's still positive so the next step will be a CT scan as planned. There's not much to add really. It's all routine - keep taking the tablets and keep getting better.

Hitting the Right Note

2009-05-28T21:16:00.004+01:00

We've got a new car! Hooray!
It wasn't meant to be here for another three weeks or so, but the boys in Sunderland must have been working overtime.
And it hasn't come a moment too soon. The old one's needed to be jump started twice in the last three days just because the ignition was left on for 20 minutes or so. That's not the main reason we've changed it though - the 75000 miles on the clock after only three years were also a major factor.

So, after lunch at Livingston with Karlynn and Jim, I picked up Liesl at 4 o'clock and off we went to Bilston to pick up our brand new, cafe latte (beige), Nissan Note with optional extra Nissan Connect.
This is the best bit. It gives you sat-nav, iPod dock, all your music goes on a storage stick and best of all, a bluetooth phone connection. It's great. Oh aye - and the boot's quite quirky too.

We test it out by taking it on a run to Peebles and celebrate with fish and chips beside the river. It's a braw night and a braw run in a braw car. We're sorted!

Chemo 6 - They Think It's All Over?

2009-05-20T21:08:00.002+01:00

Here we go then - Chemo 6, the final chapter.
Way back whenever, the 15 weeks or 18 weeks that it was going to take to get the end seemed a lifetime away. And here we are, in just the blink of an eye. It's a bit scary that a real, proper illness can get treated so quickly. I think I expected that treatment would last for months and months and I know that's still a possibility but this could be it. How cool is that?
If it really is the end, I'll probably look back and think that I got off pretty lightly with no major side effects apart from my baldie heid - and I quite like that!

And so, we just go home, feeling a bit deflated if truth be told. It kinda feels as if we're on our own now but of course that's not true. As well as the hospital backup, there's no forgetting the might that it Team Craig.
We'll be ok - chemo or no chemo.

.

The Wensleydale Heifer

2009-05-15T21:43:00.000+01:00

We're back from our break and it was great - just what the doctor ordered but unfortunately, he wasn't paying.

We stayed at The Wensleydale Heifer - a pub with rooms in the village of West Witton in Wensleydale (obviously). We were in the Four Poster room and it was quite nice ( a wee bit dark) but the highlight of staying here is definitely the food - especially the seafood.

Each night, there's three different menus to look at - A la carte, daily specials and the lobster specials. How can you go wrong?

It's quite unusual for us to be having dinner in the place that we're staying - we usually just go bed & breakfast then drive around (sometimes for hours) in the evening to find somewhere to eat. This is better because it means we can get parked up at 6 o'clock or so and then have a wee snifter in the bar before dinner. Much more relaxing.

Apart from the pub, we spent our time driving round wee villages and stopping off at craft shops and galleries. Tom-Tom, the sat-nav man took us off the beaten track a bit so some the highlights were:

- the villages of Stanhope, Grassington and of course, Middleham (we had a nose around Patrick Haslam's stableyard)

- The Ribblesdale viaduct

- Lunch in a pub while a wake was going on (surreal but true)

- Brymor Farm Ice Cream Parlour

- Tennant's Auction Rooms - There was to be sale the next day so it was good fun looking around the hundreds of lots - some apparently junk, others not. This saleroom regularly features on Bargain Hunt and Flog it! and we even saw Rodney Tennant.

The whole trip was great (apart from the weather on the way home) and has been a welcome diversion from hospitals and chemotherapy.

Yellow Peril and Daftness

2009-05-11T20:44:00.005+01:00

Cancer's no longer the top health story in the news.

Swine flu is the thing that's on everybody's lips - especially if they've just come in from Mexico!

Joking apart - I need to take note of this sort of thing because it's still important to keep infection free and if there's going to be an epidemic (or will it be a pandemic - what's the difference?). . . . . . it's time to be vigilant.

The flu isn't even making the top headlines at the moment. That honour's going to the MP expenses scandal. This has to be the first time there's been a story in the Sunday Telegraph that's worth reading. And how stupid are they? The MPs, I mean. You have to wonder sometimes.

Back in the real world, the real world's looking no' too bad at the moment. This is one of the best times of year for East Lothian. The daffodils and oil-seed rape make a golden patchwork across the towns and countryside. It's spectacular and it's a good time to be off work to see it.

And there's something else to look forward to

- we're off for a wee break to Yorkshire tomorrow. Hooray!

Chemo 5 - Nearly There

2009-04-29T21:02:00.002+01:00

It's all very much routine.
I know the staff in Area 4 and most of the 'customers' are weel kent faces now. Even the time is coming down - about three and half hours today. That's as good as it gets.
I'm even confident that nothing major is going to happen to me after the dosage that we don't have to rush straight home anymore. We can stop off at M & S. What a treat!

The days after chemo are also pretty standard. I feel lousy for a few days (it used to be 2-3 days but now it's more like 5-6) and then I pick up and I'm generally fine for the next two weeks.
Ulcerative Colitis is also under control, thanks to the chemo. A plan is still to be devised as to what the future treatment will be once chemo has stopped. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Last night's tea was a triumph - Arbroath Smokie Risotto. Except I couldn't get Arbroath Smokies so made do with smoked haddock instead. It was still good though.
Cheffy Tip of the Day:
Have the risotto with a good crisp, chilled bottle of Sancerre or Chablis.
Then, if the risotto turns out to be rubbish, all is not lost. You've still got a great bottle of wine!

.

This Sporting Life

2009-04-19T20:33:00.002+01:00

The rugby season's over and it hasn't been great.
PL finished bottom of the league and were dumped out of the Bowl yesterday by Edinburgh University.
Scotland finished fifth in the Six Nations table but Ireland won the Grand Slam which was quite good.
There's still the Lions tour to South Africa to look forward to - maybe they'll fare better.

So, onwards and upwards - we're thinking about getting a new car. I'll need it for the far away trips to Thurso and Inverness next season!

Also - as well as the Lions Tour, there's Twenty20 cricket, Royal Ascot, the Ashes, Wimbledon (will Andy do it?) and The Open all to look forward to this Summer.
I wonder when I'll go back to work? Sounds like I'll be too busy to work!

.

Art for Art's Sake

2009-04-15T22:51:00.004+01:00

Today I felt fine and we decided to have half a day in Edinburgh.

We went to the National Gallery of Scotland to see the 'Turner in Italy' exhibition. It was really good - he could paint a bit you know.
This one's 'Rome from the Vatican'.
The whole place is good - especially the coffee shop - and worth a visit.

.

Lucky Sevens - Lucky Us

2009-04-11T22:17:00.004+01:00

Today, it's the Melrose Sevens.

Preston Lodge get two free hospitality tickets from Kukri, our kit supplier and the Committee have asked me if I would like them as a special treat.

Yes, please!

It's not that easy a decision to make as it's our own Sevens tournament today as well but it will be a good day out and just what we could do with given the news this week.

And the famous Fijian sevens star, Waisale Serevi, is making a farewell appearance, guesting for one of the teams. In his prime, he was the best, but today . . . . well, I'm no' sure he would make it into PL's second seven. It was good to see him though.

It was also a fantastic social occasion where Toffs and Smurfs and us mingled seamlessly in the crowd.

Although it was a braw, sunny day it got very cold later on and we left before the end. Instead of coming straight home though, we went for a run through the Border countryside, down past Selkirk and then over the hills to Peebles where we got fish suppers and ate them on a country road just out of town.

Runs in the car like this seemed a long, long way away in deepest, darkest January.

Another milestone is chalked off the list.

Chemo 4 - And The Half Tme Score

2009-04-08T21:37:00.006+01:00

Chemo 4 - you know the drill as well as me by now.
This time there's added spice because we've to tell the nurse to beep Dr Farquharson and she'll come down and give us the lowdown as to what's going on inside me - the result of last week's CT scan.
After about half an hour, I see her in the 'wee room' looking at the computer but then she disappears. Obviously, I'm not her only patient and she's a very busy lady. About an hour later, she re-appears in Area 4. My Chemo stuff is flowing in so it's just a case of waiting patiently. And nervously. And frightenedly. (That's probably not a proper adverb but you'll know what I mean.)
At last she arrives - as bright and breezy as ever. She's had a look at the scan . . . . and the news is . . . . :
Kidney - CLEAR!
Liver - MUCH REDUCED!
Everywhere else - NEGLIGIBLE!
I'll just repeat that:
Kidney - CLEAR!
Liver - MUCH REDUCED!
Everywhere else - NEGLIGIBLE!

All in all, it's as much, if not more than we could have hoped for at this stage.
It's incredible - this stuff really works.

What a relief. That's an understatement. It's all very emotional and even needed some high fives. We thank the Doc and then she's off again to save someone else.

This is actually the last time we'll see her in a professional capacity because Dr Davies is returning from his sabbatical and she's moving to pastures new. It doesn't seem enough just to say thanks for what she's done but it just can't be put into suitable words.
Thank you, Dr Farquharson. Despite the circumstances, it's been a pleasure meeting you and you've been brilliant.

After Chemo, the news is out. The Mums, Shona, Greg, everybody is happy and great messages and phone calls come flooding in.
This has been a great day - a Red Letter Day - the exact opposite of 21 January.

Now, I know it's only half time but least the n-hl knows that it's got a game on its hands. I reckon that the score is maybe 13-10 to us. (It got two early tries before we knew we were in the game but we've come back strongly and a late drop goal has given us the lead.)
And now it knows what it's up against! Team Craig are going to be no pushovers.
Bring on the second half.

.

It's a Scan-dal

2009-04-02T19:06:00.006+01:00

The days, weeks and months are rolling in and I haven't written a book or decorated the house but I have started to do some light work in the garden and greenhouse.

I asked Dr Farquharson if I'd be able to play the piano after my Chemo was finished and she said "Yes - of course!"

That's great, I said, because I can't play it at the moment.

Boom Boom!

- Nobody saw that one coming.

Anyway, today is the half time CT scan. It's been two weeks since Chemo 3 to give it the maximum chance to work and I'll get the result from Dr F when I come in for Chemo 4 next week.

Because I was so ill when I got the last one, I can't really remember what's involved - except for the aniseed drink. A great big jug of it!

Actually, it was ok. I kept up a steady pace of drinking a small amount each time over the hour and finished it off just in time. Then I had to get stripped and put on on of those daft, back to front gowns - try tying one of those to preserve your dignity when you can't feel your fingers!

Then it was into 'the chamber'.

I had forgotten that you get a further injection of 'contrast' and that it gives you a warm flush - especially in your bladder. It feels like you've wet yourself - weird! It's amazing how quickly the warm feeling circulates around your body. I could feel it in my ankles within a few seconds.

All we have to do now is wait nervously for (over) a week to find out what progress, if any, we've made.

It's funny how the Doc came in with the bad news within an hour and a half of the first CT scan but I have to wait eight days for any potential good news from this one. The machinations of NHS Scotland are hard to comprehend sometimes.

Fast Food / Supersonic Lunch

2009-03-25T22:28:00.006Z

Jade Goody died on Sunday morning. Different cancers mean different fights and different situations but it's still tough to hear when somebody so young loses out.

Chemo 3 Plus-1-Week was much the same as
Chemo 2 Plus-1-Week - feeling pretty tired and lethargic at first but got better as the week progressed.

Today I'm feeling fine and we're off to see Concorde at the National Museum of Flight. I'm a big buff of Concorde and went to see it in the pouring rain the night in 2004 that it arrived at Torness and then the next day when it was towed across the fields to East Fortune. It's strange that I've never actually gone to see it in situ in the hangar, especially as it's only 10 minutes from my house. I wasn't disappointed - it's great and well worth a visit.

We didn't have time to go round the rest of the exhibits at the museum because we were booked for lunch at The Grange in North Berwick.
It was very nice - we'll definitely go back there.

A Stab in the Dark

2009-03-19T21:17:00.002Z

Today's the day that I have to give myself the injection!
Now, millions of people have to, or choose to inject themselves every day for one reason or another, so there's no reason to suspect that I'll have any trouble - will I?
My mate Heidi and her husband have to inject their wee lad Roan on a regular basis - how scary must that be? Especially for him - he's only wee.
So let's get on with it.
Liesl acts as my 'sighter'. I pinch the inch, take aim, then, just as I described Eric Bristow earlier, I have one or two practice 'swings' and then . . . . . . JAB!
Straight in. Up to the hilt (about two centimetres), check that there's no kickbck of blood and . . . inject. Easy.
It stings a wee bit afterwards but nothing to cry about.
Told you I was tough.

Chemo 3 - Halfway There

2009-03-18T21:22:00.004Z

It doesn't seem like three weeks but here we go again - off to Ward 1 for the third dose of magic potion. I gave a blood sample at the Doc's yesterday so there should be no delays this time.
Wrong!
There's always something but all in all, it took about four and half hours. Not too bad.
And I had my book and paper and crossword and sudoku and radio and iPod and magazine and kit-kat and crisps and juice to while away the time.
As usual though, I fell asleep for about an hour. Well - it's very warm in that room.
It's hard to believe that I'm already halfway through the scheduled treatment for such a serious illness.
Once again, I feel ok - I just think that I ought to feel worse somehow. My beaming face is back though and itchy forehead and ears. And the tips of my fingers are numb. Aaaaarrrrgh!

Right - I'm going to stop moaning! Promise.

.

Feelin' Good

2009-03-16T21:10:00.002Z

I've been feeling really good this weekend. I think that the Chemo is having a good effect and once you get over the first week when you feel a bit rubbish, then it's amazing how much you pick up.
In fact, I haven't felt this good since last October.

Bad news though - Preston Lodge got beat again and now there will be no escaping relegation.

For some reason, I always feel a bit low on a Monday - the Monday Morning Blues I expect.
I don't know why though, because I'm not going to work.

Oh well, it'll just have to be Tesco - again!

.

Get On!

2009-03-13T23:11:00.004Z

The Cheltenham Festival has been good for me.

The first two races on Tuesday returned a 12/1 and an 8/1 winner. Of the other two runners in my Yankee, one was a non-runner (which is good) and the other was 6/4 third.

I calculate that Mr Ladbroke will pay me back £64 but when I go to see him, he gives me £128.

Result!

(The difference is something to do with the non-runner.)

I decide to quit while I'm ahead and have no more bets during the meeting but it's good to see a fantastic race in the Gold Cup today when the great Denman is beaten by the greater Kauto Star.

It would have been good to go and meet the boys up in the pub to watch the racing this week but it's still way too dangerous to get into enclosed spaces and risk infection.

Maybe next year.

Denis came out to Dirleton for lunch today - well, bacon rolls.

It was good of him to come so far just for that but we had a right laugh recycling the same old stories that we've done for the past 30 years.

They're still funny though.

Pride Comes Before a Fall

2009-03-08T20:38:00.002Z

I'm definitely making lots of progress but rapidly getting bored with going to Tesco nearly every day. I still can't be bothered doing much else though.
All of this inactivity means that I'm not building up my strength as quickly as I'd hoped and my legs are still a bit weak and thin from having been lying on my bed in hospital for nearly a month.
This was evident tonight when I overbalanced a wee bit and took a step backwards in the living room. My leg just didn't take my weight. In what seemed like slow motion, I dropped like a stone.
Fortunately, I wasn't hurt but my pride took a dent and I got a right fright. It brings it home a bit that actually I might still have a way to go until I'm better.

To help pass the time, I've discovered SPORCLE the website of 'mentally stimulating diversions'.
Have a look. It's great and very addictive.
It's now my first 'Website of the Day' - I hope you like it as much as I do.

. . . . Gone Tomorrow

2009-03-04T21:20:00.008Z

One week after Chemo 2 and I've been absolutely fine - sort of.

I haven't been sick or nauseous or anything but I have felt very lethargic and really haven't done anything constructive. I just canny be bothered.

However, I do know quite a lot more about the English canal system and I could probably build myself a traditional wooden boat if I wanted to - thanks to daytime TV!

I've also had a very hot and red face and head. In the great scheme of things, it's very trivial but it isn't half annoying and I'm taking every opportunity to complain about it to whoever will listen. I think it's caused by a slight allergic reaction to one of the R-CHOP drugs.
It's easing off as the week has gone on so I'm starting to feel a bit better and less hassled.

Oh aye - and as you can see - I've had my nut cut!

And I like it - very much.

It was a bit straggly and thin so Graham and I decided to see what it would be like when it was just cut short rather than shaved off snooker ball style. If it all falls out then we'll re-evaluate the situation but for now I've gone for a 'Guantanamo Bay'!

Remarkable fact of the day:

I've only had my hair cut by one barber - Graham - over the past 40 years.

I never get it cut on holiday or anywhere else and once when I was in hospital for eight weeks, I waited until I got out to get it cut.

In all that time, this is the first time that I've had a noticeably different style!

I'm going to make the most of it!

Put the Flags Out

2009-03-01T15:12:00.004Z

An amazing thing's happened.

While sitting watching TV tonight, I gave out one of my usual coughs.

Nothing remarkable about that as I've been coughing almost non-stop since last October.

This time though, I thought I had hurt myself. In an instant, it felt as though my chest wall had detached itself from my rib cage. I could feel it 'detaching' right the way round from front to back and on to the front again in a clockwise direction. It's really hard to explain and it wasn't really sore - it just felt like it should be.

There's good news though . . . . . . .

I HAVEN'T COUGHED SINCE!

The Azzurri get the Blues

2009-02-28T22:37:00.004Z

Scotland have won a rugby match!!
They've beaten Italy 26-6. Hooray!
Way back in 1971, my Dad and I went to our very first rugby match. We were meant to be going to see Hearts play Aberdeen at football but saw the buses going to Murrayfield and got on one of them instead.
Scotland were playing England in a special Centenary International having already beaten them in the Five Nations the previous week. It was magical. A huge crowd, a great game, PC Brown kicked his conversions after turning his back on the ball as he walked back before his run up and Scotland won 26-6 to beat England for the second time in eight days. That game sealed our rugby future and each week from then on, we went to hundreds of games together as well as seeing hundreds, if not thousands of others on telly. However, until today, I'm pretty sure that I've never seen another game where the final score was 26-6. Now that's got to be amazing.
I wish Dad was here so that I could check that fact with him and tell him the rest of this story.

A Right Pain in the A...bdomen

2009-02-26T22:04:00.005Z

Liesl is back to work and I have to go down to see the nurse to get an injection in my belly. I think it's to help fight off infections when my resistance is low after the chemo and next time I'm going to give it to myself (! ! !) but I'm letting the nurse do it this time to show me the ropes.
It's actually very easy and completely painless as it's such a very fine needle. I have to 'pinch an inch' (harder to do than it usually is due to me still being about two stone down but still quite easy) and the nurse jabs it in. Simple.
I'll manage that no problem
- maybe!

And now I just want to get home again. It's only 9 o'clock in the morning but I feel so lethargic. Not tired - I just canny be bothered. This is to be just how I feel for the next few weeks.
This is another chemo side effect.

(For anyone who might be wondering - the picture in this post isn't me. Difficult though that might be to believe.)

Chemo 2 ! !

2009-02-25T21:29:00.008Z

Liesl's had her hours changed so that she has every Wednesday off. This is partly because my chemo schedule is every third Wednesday for the next 15 weeks - that's 5 doses.
I'll get another CT scan to check on progress after Chemo 3 and another after Chemo 6. If the n-hl is still there, I'll get another two doses.
The first dose as an outpatient is today!

It means a return to Ward 1 where I went on the day I had to be re-admitted. I can't remember much about it then as it was so busy - lots of people sitting on comfy chairs with not many to spare.
Luckily, I get sent to Area 4 (of 4) and it's quite quiet and very bright and sunny. It's not really like a hospital at all - more like a local health centre with big, comfy chairs. Here's a tip if you're ever unfortunate enough to have to go as a patient - pick one of the electric chairs that lets you put your feet up. They're much more comfy when you invariably dose off.
Given a bit of luck, the whole process should take about three and a half hours. Unfortunately, I haven't given a prior blood sample at my docs, so I do that, then get sent away for an hour and a half while they wait on the results.
We go along to Stockbridge for a braw breakfast of bacon and scrambled eggs on a muffin.

It's all systems go when we get back.
Pre-meds including Piritin which makes me very drowsy and fights against allergies. Then the Rituximab goes in via a drip and takes about two hours. This is when I fall asleep. Then it's the bolus injections again which take about 40 minutes. All in all it's taken nearly six hours and I'm knackered!
Let's get hame!

The main news story today is that David Cameron's son, Ivan, has died after a short and difficult life. Prime Minister's Questions was suspended so that tributes could be paid.
How come it takes a tragedy to get MPs to act like civilised human beings?

Birthday Presents

2009-02-24T19:18:00.002Z

It was Mum N's birthday on Sunday and she was persuaded to come over for tea and pancakes with cream. Hmmmm!
While she was here, I got two unexpected visitors - Nicola and Chris were on their way to walk the dogs at Yellowcraig and popped in on their way by. It was great to see them.
The rugby visitor theme continued tonight when Davy and Linsey came in to give me another present! This time it's a wee memory card with loads of games for the Nintendo DS. My brain's going to be buzzing.
It was great to see them too and different vistors are introducing a degree of normality back to life and helps break the tedium of the day.

Hair Today . . . .

2009-02-21T21:56:00.007Z

For the past week, while in the shower in hospital, I've noticed that some of my hair seemed to be falling out. Today, at home, I've had a bath and I'm convinced it's falling out. Big time.

As the water drained away, all that was left on the sides of the bath was hair. Loads of it! We had a furry bath and I had a not so furry heid!

I've also stopped shaving and I have a braw smooth chin. Now, I've often thought that this would be a good thing because quite frankly, shaving becomes a right pain in the neck, A chore. Now though, I'm not so sure. I guess it's a case of being careful what you wish for.

Hair loss is the most famous of all the chemo side effects and I'm ready for it.

I'll go to see my tonsorial advisor (Graham the Barber) next week and see what style I should go for.

Snooker ball, tennis ball, Guantanamo Bay . . . . the choice will be endless although a curly perm or pony tail might be ambitious.

They say that when it eventually grows back, it may be a different colour and a different texture. I hope mine comes back like Jennifer Aniston's famous 'do'! It's time for a new image.

Preston Lodge were playing at home in the Bowl against Orkney this afternoon. I had plans to go and watch the second half from the car park but made a mistake with the kick off time and I was too late. It's that brain thing again!

Still - PL won 53 - 8 and took another step on the road back to Murrayfield.

It's True!

2009-02-20T21:19:00.003Z

It really is true.
The blood cultures are better. The cough's better but not fixed. The chest infection is better. The throat infection has gone. And I'M GOING HOME!
And not just home for the weekend - home for good (hopefully).
Dr. Farquharson has done all of the checks and she's been in to confirm that she's happy to let me go. This is unexpected but great news. It's been exactly 14 days since I was readmitted and it's seemed like a lifetime, although it has passed fairly quickly. Daily blood checks, swabs, antibiotics, repositioning of the canula and all of the other bad things that are easy to remember, will be things of the past.
I have to take care though. Infection prevention is top priority so that means keeping away from enclosed spaces with lots of people.
It'll be a case of one step at a time, one day at a time.

Liesl comes in to take Smudge and me home, but nothing's straightforward. We have to wait for four hours for the necessary take-home drugs to come up from pharmacy.
At last though, I'm away. Hip hip hooray!

This time I feel much more relaxed about being home and of course, Friday night is Chinky night!
Extra spicy chicken curry and fried rice for me please. I'm a creature of habit.

And then it's off to my Pavlova bed again. Temperature's stable, it's still just as dark but not so scary anymore.
Things are going to be fine this time.

We're a' Jock Tamson's Bairns

2009-02-18T22:32:00.009Z

A funny thing . . . . every single day since I was told I had cancer, there's been a reference in the papers or on TV to cancer in some for or another. Now, I guess that this has always been the case but the fact that it's now more relevant to me, I'm noticing it more. There's always surveys, warnings, new breakthroughs in treatments and of course, people in the news who have been diagnosed or fighting the fight.
At the moment, many of the stories regard Jade Goody and the plans for her wedding etc. Love her or loathe her, Jade is keeping herself in the news to try do do the best for her family and she's allowing her story to be told - warts, chemo and all - to highlight that cancer doesn't care who it comes to get. What's important is not how or why you get it but how you fight it and deal with it.
I've never had much time for her during her celebrity and Big Brother high jinks but now I wish Jade all the best.

As for me . . . . . the viruses and infections are definitely getting better!
I often joked with the Docs as to whether it would be good luck or good judgement that would come up with the right cocktail of antibiotics that would eventually get on top of things. They all just smiled at the question but now the answer is definitely good judgement. Aye - right!

It doesn't matter - I'm feeling a lot better and I'm getting out more! Well, along the corridor to the conservatory at least. I sit in the warm spring sunshine (really!) and do the crossword and listen to the Fred MacAuley show on Radio Scotland. Well, a routine's a routine!
Another funny thing . . . . prior to diagnosis, I could do the 'Hard' Sudoku in the The Scotsman nearly every day. Since diagnosis, I haven't completed it once.
Another chemo side effect that they don't tell you about! Your sudoku brain stops working.
I'll have to spend more time on the Nintendo DS Brain Trainer - the trouble is that the tips of my fingers are numb and it's hard to hold the stylus so Dr. Yamafujitsuwan tells me my brain age is about 106. That's a chemo side effect that they do tell you about.

Jim Burnside and Iain and Karlynn have been in to visit. It's good to hear the news and gossip from Atos Origin. It seems a long long time since I was there.

Oh aye - nearly forgot to tell you - there's Chinese whispers that I might get home for the weekend and then come back in from Tuesday to Friday next week to get Chemo 2.
Fingers crossed.
If I could feel them.

Time to Breathe a Sigh of Relief

2009-02-16T20:39:00.006Z

I was awake early and urging the nurses to get me hooked up to the mask as early as possible. The quicker we start, the quicker it will all be over. As it happened, we didn't get started until after nine but by 11.30, it was all over. At last. Thank goodness.
What a relief! I can breathe easy now (? ! ?).

Actually, I did feel better. I was still coughing and stuff but maybe just the relief of getting that treatment over and done with has helped me to relax a bit. My temperature was still up and down and there was no real change in my blood cultures but yes - I was feeling better. Maybe, just maybe, I had bottomed out and was on the up?
(I think 'Bottomed out' is a good term to use when you have Ulcerative Colitis.)

The young lady (from Thailand) who cleans my room - and very kindly gets the papers in the morning - is very chatty today and I'm happy for that. She gives me the lowdown on the Thai and Chinese restaurant fraternity in Edinburgh and also pays me a huge compliment by remarking on how blue my eyes were. This was not to be the last time the colour of my eyes would be commented on - mostly by young ladies! This must be one of the better side effects of chemo but they don't put it in the booklets.

Visiting is back to normal. Mum and Shona come in (so there's no need or no opportunity for me to talk!) and then later it's Liesl. Everything is calm again.
This weekend's been a bit of a test of character for me and I didn't cope too well but now I'm sure that everything's going to be ok again.

Bonjour Le Weekend

2009-02-15T20:17:00.004Z

It's been a long weekend.

Scotland got beat again - this time by France. Apparently some of the PL boys were on telly - featured in the crowd at Stade Francais. I didn't see them but at least the match helped pass the time while I was locked in my vapour cell.

The inhalation treatment's been a bit of a trial - the mask has sometimes been blocked making it difficult to breathe and I've had to resort to sticking my finger in the side to vent it a bit and get me some much needed air. The two hourly sessions seem to be taking longer and longer (obviously they're not) and no sooner is one finished than preparations begin for the next. I'm glad it's only for three days.
Visiting is also disrupted and sometimes Liesl and others have only been able to look through the door.
These are tough and lonely times.

The Mask of Sorrow

2009-02-13T17:25:00.005Z

The antibiotics have still not had any noticeable effect - still coughing, blood count and condition isn't good and temperature is generally high, although that doesn't mean that I feel hot. Quite the opposite actually - I'm often pretty cold and need extra blankets at night. So, the Good Doctor has come up with something new.

An inhalation treatment. Three times a day. Two hours at a time. For three days. Starting today.

I've been shown the mask I'll be wearing - rigid blue plastic to cover my nose and mouth and held in place VERY tightly with rubber straps. Seems quite inocuous when it's in your hand.

No-one will be allowed in the room while the treatment is being given - not even the nurses unless they have masks, aprons and gloves. The exhalation tube - like that you get on a tumble drier - goes straight out of the window to help cure the chest infections of North Edinburgh. After the treatment ends, there will be an extra half hour in the exclusion zone to let the dust settle. Literally. This is nasty stuff. If it doesn't kill the viruses it'll probably kill me so the end objective will be achieved either way.

At 2.00 pm, in they came - the Ghostbusters. As it's quite a rare treatment, five or six apprentices came in to watch the chief Ghostbuster fit the mask and see where all the tubes go. Unfortunately, like too many cooks . . . something was going to go awry. As they all gathered round giving opinions and pushing and pulling at the straps to ensure that my face was squeezed tight enough to make an impression on the back of my head and that there was no infiltration of outside air - no-one was noticing that I couldn't breathe because the oxygen wasn't turned on. I was panicking (and suffocating) but it seemed more important to get the mask even tighter!

It was all too much. Eventually they heard my dying breaths (okay - that bit's an exaggeration) and released me from the vice to breathe normal, polluted air. From then on though, I knew I wasn't going to enjoy this one little bit.

Common sense prevailed and anyone not deemed necessary to the success of the operation left the room. In a more calm fashion, I was re-masked, oxygen on, thumbs up Top Gun style and off they went. A 'KEEP OUT - Danger of Death' sign went on the door and I looked at the clock and started to count every one of the next 120 minutes. Keep breathing - that's the trick - in and out - steady and even. This had better work!

And when it was over, the room and me had to be cleaned down to get rid of the powdery residue, a bit like mildew, that seemed to be everywhere.

Just enough time to get my tea, phone Mum to let her know how it had gone, see Liesl and tell her all about it and then it would start all over again - episode 2 at 9pm.

I canny wait until noon on Monday.

Yet Another Move

2009-02-10T22:15:00.007Z

Well the weekend passed fairly uneventfully. Preston Lodge didn't get beat (they didn't play) but Scotland did - 13-26 to Wales.

The first cocktail of antibiotics have had time to work but haven't, so I'm still feeling a bit rough but the coughing is only really bad when I talk. Unfortunately, that means when I talk to the doctors I start coughing and I think it seems worse than it really is.
Various urine, blood and swab tests have unearthed a throat infection (I knew that) a chest infection (I knew that too) and yeast in my blood (I didn't know that). I wonder where it came from?
So the antibiotic cocktail gets changed a bit and other tablets are added to my morning assortment. The nursing staff also noticed that getting from my room to the loo while pushing the drip stand was a bit of a problem, especially as my UC was flaring up due to my resistance being low, so they suggested that I got a move to 'The Unit'!
The Unit is still Ward 8 but along a separate corridor. Each room has en-suite shower and WC, flat screen telly and a FRIDGE!! Get the beer in.
- Liesl got the beer in - what else are fridges for? We never drank any though but the fridge is good for keeping all the juice and water cool.
There's also a different view - north towards the car park and there's plenty aeroplanes to see. This is much better.

When I get bored with the view, I can always turn to daytime telly. Now I know that I'm a bit of a saddo because I like Bargain Hunt, Flog It and some cookery programmes. I also don't mind hopping on the student and 'senior' bandwagon to watch Countdown sometimes.
However, can anybody tell me . . . . . ?
- What is the point of Goldenballs?
Aloadofballs mair like!

Too Hot to Handle

2009-02-06T18:03:00.001Z

37.9 C - right at the limit so time to call Ward 1.
There's no messing about - I've to get in there as quickly as possible. Michael had explained when I was in Ward 8 that every hour wasted at the start of an infection could cost a week at the end.
How right he was.

By the time we got there, I was so weak and feeling lousy that I nearly collapsed before they found a chair for me. It was very hot and busy with lots of people getting their chemo sessions. They took some blood but I had to lie down and they soon found a trolley for me and immediately put up a saline drip. It was to be a long day for Liesl as we waited for the decision as to what was to happen. I think we both knew that I'd be re-admitted - I had brought my bag of jammies and toys - but it wasn't until about 4.30pm before the decision was made.

So back up to Ward 8 - to a wee side room to myself this time though. And it had a telly. Hooray!

Hey-ho - my freedom didn't last long but we have to get rid of the cough and any other viruses and infections that I've got. Bring on the antibiotics by the gallon.

Poor old Liesl. Hope her Mum can come over to stay with her again. Not least because all the ironing gets done!

Things are Hotting Up

2009-02-05T22:25:00.003Z

I'm not feeling quite so well today so we decide to have a quiet day.
By the afternoon I'm back on the couch and under the duvet.
And my temperature is 37.6 C.

Getting too close for comfort - let's hope it's down a bit in the morning.

Stripped for Action

2009-02-04T22:47:00.008Z

It's a beautiful day - in every sense.

It's strange to be in a new routine again - or is it an old routine? Getting showered and shaved is stll quite an effort and unlike the hospital, there's no seat in the shower. Getting ready takes ages but there's no rush.

There's a letter to be handed in to the Docs, so by late morning we're ready to set off. Temperature seems steady in the late 36 degrees Cs. That's my temperature but it's such a good day that the air temperature might easily be in the high twenties.

The Surgery is closed for staff training until 2pm so we walk along the entire length of North Berwick High Street and go for lunch at Tiffany's Tea Room. Haggis Stovies will do just fine for me.

The Biarritz of the North is at its best today and I'm glad to be here. (The Biarritz of the South or BIARRITZ would be pretty good too though.)

I'm a bit puffed oot and glad to be home. Liesl is out the back and shouts for me to open the door. There's an enormous parcel on the doorstep - and a smaller one too!

As I tear off the paper, the enormity of peoples' kindness and caring finally overwhelms me. Inside is a framed Preston Lodge rugby strip, signed by all of the players and of course Shona, whose brilliant idea it was. I don't know what to say. It's amazing. Totally amazing. What a team we are.

The smaller parcel was equally amazing. It's a Nintendo DS with a Brain Training game! This is from the girls who sit beside me at the rugby - the WAGs. And they're better than any you might read about in the papers.

Shona and Nicola have been down while we were out and so sadly we've missed them.

It doesn't matter how terrible an illness might be, when you've got this much support behind you, you just have to get better. There's no doubt.

Team Craig has many players and backup staff pulling together to make sure I get better. It's awesome.

Temp's crept up a wee bit - over 37 C now. Probably caused by all of the exertion and emotion.

Root Toot, I'm Oot ! !

2009-02-03T22:04:00.005Z

Two weeks after I was admitted with a mystery virus thought to be linked to my Ulcerative Colitis, I'm getting home having been diagnosed with non-hodgkin's lymphoma probably caused by the use of a long term drug which was keeping the UC in check. It's a funny old life.

However, I'm very glad to be on my way. The staff here have been brilliant but it's time to go home.
Liesl has bought me a nifty wee thermometer because I have to take my temperature every four hours to make sure it doesn't fall below 36 degrees C and doesn't rise above 38 C. If it does then I've got to get in touch immediately. No risks are to be taken and I've not to catch any infections, so that means avoiding crowds and enclosed spaces.
When I came in, I could hardly walk from the car due to weakness. Now I can hardly walk to the car due to a different sort of weakness. I'll soon get fit again (stop laughing) by walking to the paper shop every morning.

It's great but emotional to see my house as we come down past the pub. It seems ages since I last saw it. It's great to be home.
For the first time I see the flowers sent by the NHS Scotland team at Atos - the messages of support continue unabated. It really is amazing. And humbling.

Liesl has bought a new duvet and sheets as part of the pristine and germ free house.
It's braw and cosy but I feel engulfed in it - like being swamped in a big meringue.
And when the lights go out, it's very dark.
Not dark like it was when I was in hospital, just dark - really dark. Scary!
I canny sleep but it's good to be home.

To Go or Not to Go . . ?

2009-02-02T21:33:00.007Z

Not to go - apparently.

My temperature is still not perfect and I'm still coughing so The Lady from Del Monte says 'NO'. It's better to be safe than sorry so one more night in Ward 8 is recommended. It's probably for the best.

On the outside world, the National Gallery of Scotland has managed to raise £50 million to save Titian's 'Diana and Actaeon' for the nation.

Pretty good I suppose - I expect we'll all get to keep it for a week or so each. We'll probably put it above the fireplace when it's our turn.

It's one of Titian's greatest works and depicts the moment when the Goddess Diana met Actaeon. He was a famous Greek hero and was trained by a Centaur. I reckon it was a Friday because she's obviously dressed down for the occasion.

You don't get this sort of stuff in other blogs you know. It's all Greek to me too.

Good Riddance January, Hello February

2009-02-01T21:59:00.002Z

Well apart from PL getting beat again, it was quite a good weekend.
One of my fellow in-mates is annoying me a bit - especially when he demands attention whenever a nurse enters the room. But it's ok, it's the weekend which means a slightly different routine and more sudokus and crosswords in the papers.

It could be my imagination but I think I'm feeling better. It really must be a magic potion.
Still coughing though.

Time for the (R-)CHOP

2009-01-30T21:52:00.003Z

Right then. Here we go.
Maybe.

Have I mentioned my cough?
Well it's still going strong and as well as that, my temperature is up a good bit today. And I feel lousier than ever.
Dr Farquharson was keen that the chemo should start today but you're supposed to be infection free before you get it. Having cancer seems to be ok - you get it then!
The nursing staff can't get in touch with Dr F to find out whether or not to proceed. As time moseys by, my 5 o'clock discharge looks more and more unlikely.
Eventually, Dr F comes by sometime in the mid afternoon and she says GO GO GO! ! The quicker we get started, the quicker everything will be fixed. She also explained that as I had been (still am) quite ill, it would be better if I stayed in Ward 8 at least until Monday so that they can keep an eye out for any adverse reactions. Oh well, c'est la vie!

So, at 16.30 on Friday, 30th January 2009 I start gettng chemotherapy.
That's what people with cancer get. That's what I'm getting.
I told you I was ill.

I get the pre-meds, the drip with the 'R' bit goes up and off we go. The 'R' will take about 3 hours this time - it'll be quicker for future doses - and then the Bolus nurse injects the rest.
(Bolus: The injection of a drug (or drugs) in a high quantity (called a bolus) at once).
Liesl's here. We chat and laugh, ask the nurse questions and watch the miracle potions go in to do their stuff.
By 20:30 it's all over. Liesl goes home and I stay lying on my bed. I'd better not move in case I'm sick. Or nauseous. Or prickly all over. Or I might faint. Or I might take a seizure.
Do you think I've had too much information?
After about an hour I think "Sod this - I'm feeling fine" and get up to go to the loo.
Everything's going to be fine.

Settling In

2009-01-29T16:03:00.004Z

Life in a room with six beds is a bit different to when I was in the wee room on my own. Much less room for all my visitors. But it's fine and the staff are brilliant. Michael's become a great pal and someone to talk to and get things explained by.
The plan has been decided by Dr Farquharson. I'm to have six doses of
R-CHOP chemotherapy - one dose every three weeks. I'll get another CT scan half way through and another at the end. If the nhl hasn't gone by then, I might have to get another two doses. Simple!
R-CHOP is a cocktail of five drugs - R for Rituximab, P for Prednisolone and you can look up the CHO for yourselves by clicking the link above. No tunnels or nuclear fission are involved - the drugs will be injected by syringes through the canula in my arm, except for Rituximab which is done via a drip. Normally, the doses will be given to me in Ward 1 as an out-patient but I'll get the first one here in Ward 8 on Friday.
So, the first dose will be on Friday morning and while chatting to Michael about it he slips in casually that I'll be home by 5 o'clock that day.
Home ! ! ?
I canny go home. I'm no' weel. I've got an illness. A proper illness. Even Iain Munn agrees that you're allowed time off your work when you've got cancer. It's an illness that you have to go into hospital for. I'm in hospital. It's too early to go home. I should be in for weeks shouldn't I?
Well apparently not - but that's great news.
I've still got that cough though. And I still feel lousy.

On The Butcher's Block and Dr F

2009-01-27T22:21:00.004Z

As it happens, this week The Scotsman was serialising a blog called CancerousCapers by a 19 year old lad called Jamie Ross who had recently been diagnosed with hodgkin's lymphona. (I'm not sure what the difference is between the 'non' and the 'non non' version.) You might hve guessed that I'm playing catch up with my Blog (writing it in June) but once I've got past all of the facts and information, I'm hoping that the tone of it will lighten to be of similar quality to that of Jamie's (with less swearing) because he gave me a lot of inspiration back in deepest darkest January.

Anyway, as promised, early this afternoon, I got transferred from the excellent care of Ward 52 in the GI Unit and Dr Shand, to Ward 8 - the Haematology Unit and my new top man would be a top lady, Dr Farquharson. Again, I'm not too sure why it's haematology and not oncology or even just plain cancer. Doesn't matter, that's where it is and they're going to fix me.

Jamie's blog in the paper that day described the worst seven minutes of his life, when he had to get a bone marrow biopsy. You can imagine my feelings then, when on arrival in Ward 8, after choosing my bed (by the window) I was told that the first thing I would get would be a bone marrow biopsy!
I got settled in to my bed (it's worth reminding anybody who is interested that I was still feeling extremely crap, still coughing for Scotland and had absolutely no energy whatsoever) and put all of my cards up on the shelf. I've been an in-patient for a week now so I've received loads already.

Then they expained that a doc would be along shortly to take the biopsy. There - in the ward - with just the curtain round the bed! What if I wanted to scream out in pain? Or cry? Or swear? Tough! Tough luck that is. Not tough me.
So then she arrived. Very petite, Polish, I think and very nice. She explained that I would get a couple of injections, similar to what you get at the dentist, only in my hip rather than my gum. And if I felt any pain, I was just to say and I would get another couple. Brilliant.
So let's get started. Firstly onto my left side, pull doon my jammy troosers a bit and then she put one of those green sheets with a hole over me. Just like you see on ER. It's starting to feel like a major operation now. And then she started boring and pushing and shoving and pulling and twisting into my hip bone. It felt like she was in about six inches but obviously my hip bone isn't that thick. And then, was it my imagination or was that a gurgling sound of stuff getting sucked out? What is bone marrow anyway? Solid or liquid? Or gunk? I've only seen it at the butchers or in a dog's bone.
Finally she had to nip off couple of bits of the bone itself and this was similar to getting the liver biopsy - the anticipation of the 'bite' is worse than the actual 'bite'. But it wasn't sore, just uncomfortable - I think Jamie had over hyped it a bit and it just goes goes to show that sometimes you can have too much information. There was nothing to fear but fear itself.
I think I could have done with a brandy though!

After recovering from that trauma (ok - I know I'm hyping it up a bit now) I got to meet Dr Farquharson for the first time. If anyone ever doubted that there was a cure for cancer, they haven't met Dr Farquharson. It's not that she has a cure - she is the cure. Bright, breezy, touchy, feely, broad accent and confidence in bucket loads. After chatting to her for a wee while, she was off again, as quick as she had arrived. There was a difference in me though. I now knew the plan and from that moment on I never doubted for a moment that she wouldn't get me better.

Other things were happening too. Support from family and friends was rolling in. Overwhelming support that takes your breath away. Messages and cards. Emails from Shona.
John and Liz and Liesl of course, came in to visit that night and there was laughter and jokes.
And it didn't seem quite so dark.
I was still coughing though.

The Most Important Result

2009-01-26T21:27:00.003Z

Fortunately, we didn't have to wait too long on Monday morning for the news.
Liesl was in nice and early but we didn't have much to talk about and there wasn't much on the telly.

So in comes Dr Shand. It's impossible to convey how much of an impact whatever he says in the next two minutes will have on my life. Therefore it's good that he says it quickly:
- "You've got non-hodgkin's lymphoma."
(This would normally have capital letters but I think that would show it too much respect that it doesn't deserve - sorry mr hodgkin.)

I've got non-hodgkin's lymphoma - hooray! Phew! Yippee! I think.
It seems such a relief. I don't know why because it's still cancer but somehow over those long four days, I've convinced myself that this is good cancer and I'm not so worried anymore.
Dr Shand explained that the treatment as with most cancers would be chemotherapy.
What is chemotherapy? Sounds sore. Sounds scary (told you I was a woose!). I bet you have to go into one of those tunnel things and nuclear particles will fly all around you and zap everything they don't like. Even if it's things that you like. Like your eyes and hair and insides and the digestive biscuit that you've stashed away in your jammy trooser pooch!
He also said that I would get transferred to the specialist Ward 8 and everything would be explained to me there. Just as well. Obviously.
But as this was the best news that I'd for a week I thought that I might as well start getting better.

Liesl is relieved, the Mums come in and they're relieved. I think that if we had had a bottle of Champagne, we would have opened it.
Obviously, this is strange because I've still got cancer. And at night it's still very quiet. And lonely. And scary. And dark.

The Long Wait

2009-01-25T21:50:00.003Z

It was a long wait for everybody through the weekend although I was kept quite busy answering emails and text messages on my phone as the news spread among family and friends and messages of support and good wishes came flooding in.
Also, I'd now been in long enough for many cards to have arrived - might have to get one of those strings with the wee pegs that you use to display Christmas cards!

But it was a tough four days. Emotions for everyone ranged through worry, sadness, fear and maybe a touch of anger and it was worse at night.

I tried to take my mind of things by thinking of my favourite views, like the drive into Dirleton down past the pub as the village green opens out and you can see our house! Or looking east to the Bass Rock and Dunbar as you come over the Garleton Hills from Haddington. Or west from Longniddry towards the Forth Bridges on a Summer's night.
But that only introduced another emotion. Panic.
Because I couldn't picture any of them at all. My mind was blank.

And PL had lost by a single point away to East Kilbride.

On a brighter note, 'Fair fa' your honest sonsie face' - it was Burns' Night and The Great Chieftain o' the Puddin' Race was for tea. Braw!

The Day After The Day Before

2009-01-22T19:16:00.008Z

So where do we go from here?

Well, following a night with not much sleep, the day started off just like all the rest. Rubbish breakfast, blood test and shower. Hey ho - life goes on!

Dr. Shand (GI/Ulcertive Colitis top man) was an early visitor. He had checked on the CT scan result and was very sorry to hear the news. However, he had a theory and more than a glimmer of hope.

Way back in 1990 when I first got UC, I was in hospital for 8 weeks under the expert eye of Professor Anne Ferguson, one of the top bowel and colon experts in the world. Dr Shand ws part of her team. Anyway, after about 6 weeks, although she knew what was wrong with me, I wasn't getting any better. It was time for Plan B. A new drug - Azathioprine - was showing some positive results and she wanted me to try it. So I did, and within two weeks, I started to get better - hooray!

Over the years at the GI Clinic, Dr Shand and I have discussed the long term use of azathioprine and possible side effects (eg bone problems etc.) but for various reasons like me starting a new job a few years ago and not wanting to be ill, I remained on it.

But now he explained his theory. There were basically two possibilities.

1. Cancer. ie. Bad cancer. If I had this, there was little or nothing he could do for me. (His words - clear, concise and to the point again.)

or

2. Lymphoma. There's no such thing as good cancer but if you get a choice, take this one. He explained that this is a possible side effect of the long term use of azathioprine.

He was pretty confident that this is what I would have, so much so that he cancelled a colonoscopy that had been scheduled for me for tomorrow and replaced it with a liver biopsy.

Now, I've had one or two colon biopsies before but I have also had several colonoscopies. For the uninformed, look away now - it basically consists of a camera on a cable which gets shoved up your jacksy!! Four and a half feet (that's 54 inches) up your jacksy!!! AND - as a bonus - you get to watch it all LIVE on the telly. Nice.
I suppose it's just like watching the old Raquel Welch movie 'Fantastic Voyage' except less entertaining because you know it's your own body.
Similarly, 'The Numbskulls' from The Beezer do the same sort of job, as do the wee firemen in the Gaviscon advert - except they go down the safe end rather than up the dangerous end!!

I felt much better following Dr Shand's visit and was grateful for his honesty and confidence.

So then I was whisked off for the biopsy. Now everyone who knows me will know that I'm a bit of a woossy, scaredy cat when it comes to any kind of procedure but actually this one was ok. A bit uncomfortable and the worst bit was when you know that the doc is about to nip off the wee sample. It's a bit like watching Eric Bristow with Dartitis or Bernhard Langer with the Yips! You know it's coming but the final release seems to take forever.

Back on the ward, I had to lie absolutely flat for three hours under the constant watch of the nursing staff. What could possibly happen? I've no idea but I seemed to get through it ok.

After explaining Dr Shand's theory to everyone, all we had to do was wait in hope for the result of the biopsy, which unfortunately would take until Monday to come back.
It was to be the longest four days of my life!
The good thing was that there was a bit of light at the end of what had been a very long and dark tunnel yesterday and the deep gloom had lifted just a bit.

Black Wednesday

2009-01-21T23:37:00.005Z

The day starts as most days in hospital start. Breakfast (cereal or porridge and a roll & jam) and an extraction of blood that would become an almost daily occurrence for the duration of my stay.
The previous night's chest X-ray had shown nothing untoward so a CT scan had been arranged for later in the morning. I wasn't sure what this entailed - sliding into a long tube on a conveyor belt perhaps?
Actually, you go up to the scanning department (quite nice actually), get about a gallon of stuff to drink. It's sort of aniseed flavour, a bit like the blue or pink liquorice allsorts that are covered in wee hundreds and thousands and you have to drink it over an hour. This isn't that easy when you're feeling lousy, sitting in an uncomfy wheelchair and canny go to the loo! Ah weel, pretend it's pastis and you're sitting in the south of France watching a game of boules. Things could be worse.
Anyway, then it's into the chamber. It's not a tube, just a giant Polo that you slide back and forth through and a robotic voice says "hold your breath" then "breathe easy". The lights whirling round the hoop are quite entertaining. And that's it. Back to the ward having missed lunch (lucky I had my biscuits) and get into the comfort of my electric bed.

Mum came in to visit at 2 o'clock. She was closely followed by one of Dr Shand's docs (he was away for the day). He stood at the end of my bed, looked a bit hesitant and said that he had looked at my CT scan and had the result. All he said was "YOU HAVE A TUMOUR". No frills, no flammery - just the fact.
Now, when I become a doctor, I think I'll break bad news to a patient something like this:
Doc - Hello Mr X - I've got good news and bad news for you.
Mr X - I'll have the good news.
Doc - I've just won £10 on the lottery
Mr X - What's the bad news?
Doc - You've got cancer!

or

Doc - Hello Mr X - I've got good news and bad news for you
Mr X - What's the bad news?
Doc - You've got cancer.
Mr X - What's the good news?
Doc - I've just heard that Preston Lodge RFC have signed Richie McCaw and Dan Carter on 5 year contracts.
(Actually - this would be a pretty good counterbalance except that I'm not sure that they would be too happy about playing in the PL 2nd XV.)

But there's none of that. He just says "You've got a tumour". Clear. Precise. Exact. To the point.
The force of his soft voice and his words are enough to send me reeling back into the bars at the head of my bed. I look at Mum and see that the effect has been the same on her. There's nothing to say, just despair. The Doc is brilliant, as are the staff on the ward. Questions seem pointless but I'm able to ask enough to find out that the tumour is on my liver. Further tests would be required. Any other information isn't required. I can't hear it anyway.
Everybody goes and it's just me and Mum, tears, fears and uncertainty. There's still nothing to say that will comfort either of us. Fortunately, Shelagh was working and as usual was able to come up to the ward, just to be there. As she so often is.
Next problem - how to tell Liesl? There's a small matter that she will be a wee bit later than usual tonight because it's her birthday. Happy birthday indeed! And all I've got her is a wee tube of face cream. Oh aye - and to tell her that I've got cancer. Did I mention that?
So Shelagh and Mum went home. I was on on my own except for the nursing staff, just waiting, crying and being scared. And then Liesl arrived. Happy birthday, then the news and then we were both crying and being scared. Lots of questions but few answers. A liver biopsy was to be arranged for tomorrow and the Staff Nurse did his best to answer anything else.
But there was only one question - why?
And that question's asked by hundreds of folk in the same situation every day. And they don't get a satisfactory answer either.
Hours later, Liesl had to go home. To phone her mum, to tell her the news. To tell friends, family and neighbours. Once she had gone, I felt quite calm. I phoned mum to see how she was. Daft question. At least you get to use your mobile phone in hospital now so you are never cut off. Another call to Liesl before lights out and then it's quiet. The lights are out in Dirleton, Port Seton, Dunfermline and WGH.
And it's really quiet.

Time for Action

2009-01-20T16:12:00.000Z

Tuesday again and time for the weekly GI clinic. Dr Shand has been kindly fitting me in with an early appointment but it's now quite hard to get up and out to be there in time for 9 am. I'm also finding it harder to drive so Liesl has been taking me to the last couple of appointments but I'm now feeling so sore that every bump in the road zaps right through my body.
When we finally arrive in the car park after battling our way through all of the school run 4x4s, it's a struggle to make the short walk up the hill to the entrance to the clinic. When we meet Gavin from the hockey gang in the shop, it's all I can do but put on a brave face and hold on nonchalantly to the shelves - not in a casual manner but to stop me from falling over.
So this time it was an easy decision for Dr Shand and we were all agreed - admission to hospital was the only option. It would take time for an available bed to be confirmed so I was sent back home and get my stuff and then come back in at 4 pm.
Best to get new pyjamas. And all of the usual washbag suspects. And don't forget my toys - radio, iPod, torch (sometimes it's dark at night when you have to get up and go to the loo), book, Smudge (more of him later), magazines and biscuits! I'm guessing I'll be in for more than a day or two.

The GI ward was quite quiet when we arrived back and I was shown to my room. A private side room with telly - cool.
The bed wasn't made up so while we waited we watched the inauguration of the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama. A momentous occasion and the start of a new chapter in the brave new western world. History will show if he's any better than any of the rest but he seems like a good guy so let's give him a chance and wait and see. He can't be any worse than the previous incumbent.

So after getting settled in and glad to get into my bed, Liesl went home and I was left waiting and thinking about what might be. At 9 pm my rest was interrupted though. Even at the time of night it seems, it's not too late to get whisked off for another X-ray. Why are hospital corridors so eerie when they're quiet and deserted?

Happy New Year?

2009-01-19T15:35:00.000Z

Well, 2009 started in much the same way as 2008 had ended. Still feeling pretty rubbish, still attending Dr Shand's GI clinic weekly on a Tuesday, still losing weight, still coughing, still not much energy and still suffering night sweats. The steroids had also run their course and chest X-rays showed nothing untoward so it seemed that we were running out of options.
On a more positive note, I was still working (sometimes from home though) and generally doing everything else I'd normally do. This included going to watch Preston Lodge playing rugby and things weren't going too well at The Pennypit! Relegation is a distinct possibility.

The Story So Far . . . . .

2008-12-31T21:50:00.004Z

Where to start?

Although this is blog will tell the story of the roller coaster ride that has been 2009, it's probably best to start off and set the scene back in October 2008. It's not meant to be a blow by blow account of coping with an illness, more of an insight into how life changes when you get that diagnosis, how time is spent when you're off work for a long time and especially the invaluable and overwhelming support that comes from family and friends in your hour of need.
I'm starting this prologue back in October 2008 because that was when the first signs of coughs, flus, viruses and any amount of other chesty infections started to attack me.
At first, I put it down to the usual types of infections that most folk get at that time of year. These are often worse for me because they lower my levels of resistance, allowing the Ulcerative Colitis that I've had for 19 years, to flare up and make things worse. Usually though, I'm able to fight them off after a couple of weeks and things settle back down to normal. However, this time seemed different. As well as a terrible and lingering cough, I started to get night sweats for the first time meaning that I would wake up freezing in the middle of the night and have to get up and change my T-shirt which was absolutely soaked with sweat. I also had a pain in my right side - like a stitch. I put it down to having 'racked' myself with all the coughing.

So, to cut a long story fairly short and get this blog on the road

A course of steroids through October to December didn't help
Bi-weekly visits to the GI Clinic at WGH increased to weekly
Weight reduced by the day
Energy levels dropped
Admission to hospital seemed inevitable but Christmas was looming and nobody wants to go into hospital at this time of year

So Christmas and New Year came and went, and despite feeling pretty rubbish everything was fine including my new trews, bought for the Rugby Club dance, which attracted many favourable comments!

Roll on 2009 - things can only get better. Can't they?